the absence of what came before (part two)

you tell yourself what you have to
(usually poor them) until words fail you
and you can’t hide anymore
you are different, more than this
you have yourself to answer to

it’s telling you to move on
even as you rephrase, try to decide
what you should have said
what could have brought you back
to where you had been before, together

but time is elusive, you can not trap it
it weaves and dodges around you
around your clumsy nets and pulleys
not even sure that you want the catch
not sure what you do with it
if you did

but you feel the pull, feel the need
to fill the void with any prize
any trinket you fancy
to fill the hollow dry stomach
that places you outside
the world so effortlessly lived in
and marks you as different
different all the same

you can’t hide forever
but you run for awhile

i’ve felt that kind of light before
that shifting that moves in
announcing itself only in the absence
of what came before
it changes everything all at once
like a miller or a steinbeck with a phrase
all at once this light-filled
space in your head
and it’s heavy and it’s calm
and its more real than anything
you ever knew existed

do you know that place i talk about?
have you been there before? i just got back
but i’m ahead of myself
again.

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